Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Episode 10: Ugly Mothers, Their Not-So-Hot Daughters And More Closet Gay Jokes Than Usual: A Project Run(A)Way Hater's Perspective

I'm guessing I'm in the minority when I say that I was bummed to hear Jennifer Lopez would not be the celebrity judge on the season finale of Project Runway. She'd of been a hell of a lot hotter than the other female celebrity judges we've seen this season.

Plus, I loved her in "Selena."

It's my guilty pleasure.

With that said, Episode 10:

9:01 p.m. Suede's got the "I'm an artist and don't care what you think" shades going on. Not workin' for me, Whackadoodle.

9:01 p.m. Good Lord, can Heidi's dress get any shorter?

Please say yes.

9:02 p.m. OK, this is something called the "Mom Challenge." But they're not designing for them. They're designing for (wait for it) their daughters.

OH. MY. GOD!!!

(yes, I'm being sarcastic)

9:03 p.m. Mom Nancy looks like something out of Nightmare on Elm Street.

9:04 p.m. You know what sucks? These daughters are young 20-something women and most of them aren't cute. It's like...a waste.

9:05 p.m. Joe makes a good point: If the mom likes something, the daughter will hate it.

A straight guy wouldn't be that perceptive.

Just sayin'.

9:06 p.m. Freddy Kruger Nancy likes trendy. I bet she's thinking stripes.

9:07 p.m. OK, Leanne's "model" Holly is kind of cute, and she's going to be an elementary school teacher. That makes her hotter. Ask any straight guy.

9:08 p.m. Yikes!! Avital's mom ain't much of a looker, either. If Nancy is Freddy Kruger, Mom of Avital is the glove.

9:10 p.m. Suede: "Oh my God! Suede found a poochie-esque print in purple!"

It's good to have goals.

9:11 p.m. Leanne's photo of her when she was younger looks like a mousy girl who hasn't yet found her femininity.

Much like Leanne now.

9:12 p.m. Joe's early photo: Totally gay!! C'mon, people. He's even got the subconscious "putting my finger on my chin" gay pose going on.

9:12 p.m. Kenley's "before" photo isn't half bad. What happened?

9:17 p.m. I'm really not into this whole "let me tell you what my first job was" thing. Do you care that my first job was working in a spa store washing spare parts and babysitting my boss' dog? Would you like me to mention it every five minutes for the remainder of this blog?

9:18 p.m. Laura (Joe's "model") doesn't like pin stripes. Laura (Joe's "model") is fat. Laura (Joe's "model") thinks she may have to get over it. Laura (Joe's "model") is right.

9:19 p.m. Is Nancy a tranny? I mean, it's OK if she is. Whatever works for you. But Christ...

9:21 p.m. Joe is making a 1980s pocket square business suit.

I have no idea what that is, but it sounds closet gay, doesn't it?

Sorry guys, but with Blayne, Stella and Terri gone, Joe becomes my main whipping boy.

9:22 p.m. My first job was working in a spa store washing spare parts and babysitting my boss' dog.

Annoying, isn't it?

9:26 p.m. Did Laura get fatter? I think she made a Big Mac run or two in-between fittings.

9:26 p.m. Avital loves Suede's dress. And why shouldn't she? It's a poochie-esque print in purple.

9:26 p.m. Suede: "Bonus!!"

Do shut up, Suede. And chop off your thumbs.

9:27 p.m. I got no clue who this special guest is, but she's Asian and she's cute (bad teeth aside). All straight guys have a thing for Asian women. Write that down.

9:27 p.m. The winning look is going in Elle magazine.

I don't read Elle.

You're stunned, I know.

9:30 p.m. If Tim said "Nevin, talk to me," I honestly wouldn't know what to say.

9:30 p.m. Kenley says that Tim doesn't understand her as a designer. And really, what man truly understands Kenley?

9:31 p.m. Korto's daughter is already starting to grow Mommy's hair. It's cute, in a scary sort of way.

9:32 p.m. Joe didn't even want to talk to his wife.

Add that to the list.

9:33 p.m. Kenley says Suede is a poser.

Living proof that even the dumb ones say something smart every now and again.

9:33 p.m. My first job was working in a spa store washing spare parts and babysitting my boss' dog.


9:35 p.m. Jerell thinks Suede's design is so 1992.

I liked 1992. Me and my friends wore Cross Colors.

Christ, I'm old.

9:41 p.m. You know what's funny about Laura? She's ugly, but I can name about a dozen straight guys right off the top of my head who would do her as either a "rebound" lay or an "I've been out of practice and want to keep my skills sharp" bang.

9:42 p.m. Jerell's hat sense has hit a new low. Where do you get something like that? Target?

9:42 p.m. I like Suede's poochie-purple thing. Makes me want to say "Bonus!!" and chop off his thumbs.

And I mean that as a compliment.

9:43 p.m. I must be tired. I just now noticed Heidi's one-bare-shoulder look. Forgive me, it's been a long day.

9:44 p.m. Did Kenley try to make a twin?

9:44 p.m. Heidi: "You found a little mini me!!"

Beautiful people like me and Heidi think alike.

9:45 p.m. Laura is gaining weight before my eyes. Is it my TV?

9:45 p.m. You know what's wrong with Joe's design? He's gay, but he's not ready to admit it. So he tried to keep his design conservative to hide his true self.

Plus, his model is fat.

9:46 p.m. Dude, Holly's male students are going to have wet dreams early. Lucky bastards. My female elementary school teachers were no younger than 86.

9:48 p.m. My first job was working in a spa store washing spare parts and babysitting my boss' dog.

I also used to sometimes dunk my head in the jacuzzis. When no one was around.

9:56 p.m. Jerell wins. Makers of feather hats rejoice.

9:57 p.m. Joe's out. The run of closet gay jokes is over.

9:57 p.m. One last Joe "closet gay" dig: When he kissed Heidi, he didn't look like he enjoyed it.

The defense rests.

Final thoughts:

Losing Joe is tough, as that's the fourth whipping boy of mine that's fallen in the last three weeks. Still, it's hard to disagree with the decision. His outfit was stupid, his model was fat and everyone else's design was simply better.

I have to think that this competition will come down to Jerell and Korto. You know why? Because they're both secure in themselves. Jerell wears dumb hats during judging and is still around, and Korto has that "I don't give a damn what the hell you think" vibe.

As for the rest: Leanne doesn't think she's pretty, Kenley's surly attitude is overcompensating for her lack of perky boobs, and Suede...has issues.

And finally:

My first job was working in a spa store washing spare parts and babysitting my boss' dog.

Just in case you forgot.


Until next time.


Ramona said...

Nevin, I need some serious Kenley bashing after that episode and your recap just did not provide...

Seriously...she is getting so cocky.

She's like one of those people who slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night (which, aren't actually that good, by the way. I've been to a few and they ain't no great shakes). She can do no wrong, she knows everything, she's fabulous and if you don't like it, well, then an annoying mean girl giggle will be raining down on you.

Anyway, please, please rip her a little next week.

Another Suburban Mom said...

I hate Kenley. I just want to gag her with some leftover fabric, rip that stupid flower out of her hair and shove it up her butt. I wish she would leave my tv.

So, listen to Ramona, she is obviously a genius (taste in men aside)

This show is also a constant reminder to me that I have no fashion sense. Watching Joe and Suede I knew Joe was a goner, because I have an outfit kind of like that in my closet, that I wear to interviews.

Of course, I am infinitely hotter than Joe's model.

Kristi said...

I used to love Kenley, but the last few episodes have made me want to stick something sharp in her eye!

I'm totally not going to miss Joe.

I agree that it's between Jerell and Korto, and, strangely enough, for the exact same reason you stated. This is weird!!

gay.after.a.few said...

I like how ramona communicates to Nev through his blog. (Talk about my ideal relationship.)

You cracked me up this week, Mr. Man. Did anyone notice that Avital is an anagram for Latvia? Weird, huh?

Do you know how many bacteria live in jacuzzi's? You're probably like a hetero-petri dish at this point.

Korto's hair for the win. Jerell's hat for a close second.

Stephanie said...

Dude, words cannot describe my loathing for Kenley at this point. I can't believe none of the judges confronted her about giggling on the runway when someone else's work was being critiqued. What, is she twelve? She can't control herself? How rude.

And Nev, Joe's poor model was not fat, he just dressed her in exceptionally unflattering clothing. A well-deserved elimination.

My fantasy for next week: major Kenley meltdown.

meow said...

Betcha more than 1/2 of American women are "fatter" than Laura. Joe designed an ugly and ill-fitting outfit (altho' the girl does need a better bra). And no, I'm NOT Laura!

Jessica said...

It's "Pucci-esque" print. Google it. And also, please don't ever call a young woman that is brave enough to walk down a runway in one of Joe's lame designs FAT, ever again.