A Straight Man Analyzing The Looks Of The Project Runway Men: A Project Run(A)way Hater's Perspective

I was having lunch today with my good friend Stephanie and she was talking about how, when she runs on the streets of West Hollywood (Steph's an avid runner) she likes to take in the eye candy that consists of the gay men that populate the city. West Hollywood, as many of you know, is considered to be a predominantly gay area and -- according to Steph -- many of them keep themselves in great shape.

This reminded me of a conversation I once had with another friend of mine, a gay male, who told me that the one similarity between gay and straight guys is that both are visual beings. In other words, neither gives a damn about all that "emotional connection" nonsense that women seem to love. Both gay and straight men base much of a mate's sex appeal on their physical apperance.

So, my gay friend told me, in many respects it's more difficult for gay men. Because unlike straight guys, who have the "emotional connection" felt by their female companions to fall back on, gay guys have only their looks and thus can never let themselves go without suffering the consequences.

So this begs the question:

Why are all the gay guys on Project Runway ugly?

I mean, if you take the facts that a) gay men need to keep up their physical apperance for the above-mentioned reasons, and b) that Project Runway is (God knows why) watched by millions, you would think the gays on the show would be compelled to look their West Hollywood eye-candy best.

Except they're ugly.

Let's review:

Blayne. The dude looks like a tanorexic clay figure who would melt if left out in the sun too long. He's ugly.

Suede. His blue mohawk makes him look like a reject for a "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" remake. He's ugly.

Jerell. His Idi Amin hat on the last episode lowered his rating. He's ugly.

Joe. That whole "I always look like I'm brooding because I'm trying to show that I'm straight, but in reality I'm overcompensating because I'm homosexual but not ready to come out of the closet yet" is downright scary. He's ugly.

And then there's Austen.

Need I say more?

Now, since I'm straight, perhaps my views are skewed. Maybe other gays find the Project Runway gays attractive. Maybe the clothes they make are a substitute for an emotional connection and thus they can get away with letting themselves go.

Or maybe Blayne needs to ditch the tanning beds, Suede needs to get his fat carcass to the gym, Jerell needs to lose the "cruel, relentless dictator" ensemble, Joe needs to lighten up, and Austen...

...needs help.

Professional help.