Saturday, October 24, 2009

Episode 10: Charlie Brown Halloween Socks, Chris Cries (Again), And Nicolas' Fear Of Colors: A Project Run(A)Way Hater's Perspective

Two days ago, my wife Ramona and I celebrated our two-month anniversary. So I bought her two-month-anniversary-Charlie Brown-Halloween socks.

Because hey: Anyone can get flowers or candy or jewelry. But let's face it: It's been done.

Two-month-anniversary-Charlie Brown-Halloween socks.

It's the way to go. A tip: From me to you.

My apologies again for the delay on this recap. On with the show. Ramona is watching it with me for the first time in a few weeks:

10:01 p.m. Is it just me, or does every episode seem to start with Carol putting on her whore makeup and Gordana mumbling in the background?

10:01 p.m. Nicolas runs in a circle like a crazy person. Sounds about right.

10:02 p.m. Chris is surprised he's still here. He speaks for all of America.

10:03 p.m. The designers are going to Rodeo Drive to Michael Kors' store. I wonder if they sell sweatpants.

10:04 p.m. Michael sounds gay. You know what I mean? I love the gay community -- I have gay friends and family members -- but he definitely has the gay male voice.

Gay people know what I'm talking about.

10:05 p.m. Create a look inspired by a famous locale.

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

10:05 p.m. Carol picks Palm Beach. A druggie and party town.

Uh-huh.

10:05 p.m. Althea retains her spot on the hotness poll, with Irina at No. 2.

Shirin is home, no doubt eating bon bons because she no longer has to stay in shape for my hotness meter.

10:06 p.m. Chris picks Santa Fe. God, he even picks boring places.

10:07 p.m. You know what Gordana needs? Subtitles.

10:07 p.m. Gordana buys jewels. At least, I think she's buying jewels. Really woman, learn English.

10:08 p.m. Ramona: "Nicolas is making a white, frilly thing again, like he does every week."

The statement speaks for itself.

10:09 p.m. Althea has fabric in her mouth.

That's hot for some reason.

10:10 p.m. Chris is worried because Michael Kors is judging the challenge and he has to impress Michael, apparently forgetting that Mikey judges every challenge.

10:12 p.m. You know what these designs need? Charlie Brown Halloween socks.

10:15 p.m. Chris gives his obligatory "this is what I have to do to avoid being axed" speech.

10:16 p.m. Althea is basing her design on a Muslim church.

10:16 p.m. Ramona: "By the way, Nev, it's 'muslin', not 'muslim'".

I swear to God: I hadn't even said a word. The wife simply knows me too well.

10:18 p.m. Logan wants to make something that says "Hollywood" and "California" to him.

Way to reach.

10:19 p.m. Irina's outfit is really not Nicolas' thing. Of course it's not: Irina actually uses colors.

10:20 p.m. Gordana isn't ready for her model. Because, you know, she hasn't made anything.

10:21 p.m. Nicolas doesn't want his design to look Grecian goddess. Because if it does...horrors!!

10:22 p.m. You know what would make Nicolas' design less Grecian goddess?

Charlie Brown Halloween socks.

10:24 p.m. Bonding session among the designers. Time to vomit.

10:25 p.m. OK, slight revision to the hotness poll: Althea is still No. 1, but she loses ground this week because she's got that 1980s big blond hair thing going on.

10:27 p.m. Gordana makes bacon. And somehow, that makes sense.

10:27 p.m. Nicolas had a little mental breakdown. Par for the course, I'm guessing.

10:28 p.m. Logan is wearing four rings. He's such a douchebag. I mean...dude.

10:29 p.m. Ramona has suddenly discovered that none of the models have boobs.

10:29 p.m. Ramona: "Nevin, don't put that in there!!"

:-)

10:30 p.m. Did Althea just say "weared it"?

10:31 p.m. Chris gives another "this is my life" speech and looks like he's about to cry. Which he does every freakin' week.

10:37 p.m. You think Seal ever bought Heidi Charlie Brown Halloween socks?

10:38 p.m. Milla Jovovich is the guest judge. She could use a spray tan.

10:39 p.m. The models walk down the runway. Time for some Diet coke.

10:39 p.m. Althea is in. I'm pleased.

10:40 p.m. The judges like Irina. The two remaining hot girls are going to be safe.

Time for a fist pump.

10:40 p.m. Milla thinks Chris' belt has "this 1983 kind of charm to it."

How the hell do you pull 1983 out of thin air? I mean, really?

10:42 p.m. Milla moved her hands around 14 times while talking about Nicolas' crap of a design. I know. I counted.

10:43 p.m. Gordana has an ugly chin.

FYI.

10:45 p.m. I've decided that I would be good as a guest judge on this show. I can talk with my hands, I can make random 1983 belt references, and I sure as hell would be better than Lindsay Lohan. She fell off the wagon, according to Star.

10:46 p.m. Heidi didn't mind Logan's outfit.

Milla: "If this was Project 'I Didn't Mind It', Logan would win."

OK, that was funny.

10:54 p.m. Ramona's wearing the Charlie Brown Halloween socks.

:-)

10:54 p.m. Carol's in. Next week's episode: Carol puts on her whore makeup.

10:54 p.m. Irina wins. Beauty and brains. Or at least sewing ability.

10:55 p.m. Gordana is in, but Heidi says she needs to have more confidence in herself.

That's code for: Learn English.

10:55 p.m. Logan is in.

Ramona: "Because he's cute and the show needs the ratings."

A dirty look is coming her way shortly.

10:56 p.m. Nicolas and Chris are in the bottom two. Chris' tears to follow.

10:57 p.m. Chris is in. Again.

Chris cries.

Again.

10:57 p.m. Nicolas is out. He stands there for 45 seconds like an idiot. Not that that's a stretch.

Final thoughts:

Perhaps if Nicolas had used the Charlie Brown Halloween socks in his design -- which featured bright colors -- he could've scooted by. But instead, he's out and Chris remains the annoying cockroach who simply refuses to die.

Chris.

The annoying cockroach.

Who cries.

Every freakin' episode.

Seriously dude, pretend to be a man.

Until next time.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

Love the recap! Tell Ramona to wear the Charlie Brown Halloween socks to the gym! :)