Saturday, November 7, 2009

Hug A Jew, Girls Hatin' On Each Other, And Chris Inspired By Algae: A Project Run(A)Way Hater's Perspective

Did you know there's a national "Hug A Jew Day"?

Apparently, last February there was a national movement encouraging Jews -- and I'm guessing maybe even non-Jews as well -- to give other Jews a hug.

So if you have the need to hug a Jew in your life but are afraid to do so, in a few months you'll have an excuse.

I'm a Jew, but if you see me walking down the street in February, don't hug me.

A simple "Hey Nev!!" -- from a safe distance -- will suffice.

:-)

And with that, on with the show:

10:01 p.m. Althea and Irina are fighting. I told you the hotness poll shakeup would cause waves.

10:01 p.m. Irina looks sad. If you're a Jew, hug her. She'll feel better.

10:02 p.m. I can finally understand what Gordana is saying and she's giving this whole "for my country" speech. I liked it better when she mumbled.

10:03 p.m. Heidi Klum is showing off her shoulders.

Heidi, I'm Jewish. Hug me.

10:03 p.m. OK, explain something to me: Why is Althea wearing heels? She's already insanely tall. Why do you want to be taller? Is she playing hoops later? Ladies, enlighten me.

10:03 p.m. L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa? Is it election time already, Tony?

10:03 p.m. Use the Getty Center to get inspired. I sense a lot of abstract nonsense coming.

10:04 p.m. Sad to say, though I lived in L.A., I've never been to the Getty. I know, I know. It's a sin.

10:06 p.m. If I'm watching these people get a tour of the Getty, does this qualify as me going?

10:06 p.m. Chris is inspired by a fountain. In other words, he's the only one inspired by something that isn't art.

This must be the week he goes.

10:07 p.m. Tim: "Our visit to the Getty was staggering, wasn't it?"

You know what, Tim? It was. It really was.

10:07 p.m. Gordana's mumbling again. And all is right with the world.

10:07 p.m. Althea has gotten rid of that 80s big hair look. She's making a push to be back on top in the hotness poll.

10:10 p.m. Chris: "For someone like me (who sucks)..."

OK, I added the "who sucks." But let's face it: He should've said it.

10:14 p.m. This February, hug a Jew.

10:15 p.m. Althea is feeling "alone." Well Althea, here's something to make you feel better:

You have reclaimed your spot on top of the hotness poll.

Congrats, Althea. Continue to lay off the Fritos.

10:16 p.m. Everyone's getting pissy. They need hugs from a Jew.

10:17 p.m. I have more than one female friend who tell me that they don't have close female friends because they can't really trust other females. And the way that Carol, Irina, Althea and Gordana are bickering at one another, I can see why.

10:17 p.m. Irina's dad is stressed out that she ain't married yet. Well Irina's pappy, with your daughter's bitchy attitude, it ain't happenin' anytime soon.

10:18 p.m. Tim to Carol: "You're going across the boddess?"

OK, that just sounded strange.

10:19 p.m. Tim is ripping Irina and Gordana loves it. It's because they're women and women can't trust other women, according to my women friends.

10:19 p.m. Tim is ripping Althea and Irina smiles.

Damn.

10:20 p.m. Gordana "is a very spiritual person." Which means paintings make her cry.

10:21 p.m. Hey models: This February, find a Jew to hug.

10:21 p.m. Chris: "I'm the odd duck of the group."

Translation: I'm a guy.

10:23 p.m. Althea leans back, accentuating her breasts.

(thumbs up)

10:29 p.m. Chris writes down the following inspiration words:

"It's A Big Day."

(rolls eyes)

10:29 p.m. Now I could've lived the rest of my life without ever seeing Carol curling her eyelashes.

10:29 p.m. Althea and Gordana laugh, pretending they're friends.

10:31 p.m. Gordana: "I believe I definitely hit the challenge on the target."

And that's what they call: Broken English.

10:32 p.m. Chris "has to do what's right for me." After all:

It's A Big Day.

10:37 p.m. Three huge things:

1) Heidi's looking hot.

2) Althea is back to her big-hair thing.

And 3) Two people will be eliminated this week.

Ooooooooooooo.

10:37 p.m. Cindy Crawford is a celebrity judge. Now that's taste.

10:41 p.m. Heidi wants to take several things off Irina's model.

And the mind starts to wander...

10:42 p.m. Do you think Cindy will hug a Jew in February?

10:44 p.m. Chris cries and gives a "no one else but me would see the beauty of rock and algae" speech.

Seriously: Vote this guy off.

10:47 p.m. All the designers talk about why they should move on and who should come with them.

A perfect time to check my e-mail.

10:47 p.m. I've become part of an e-mail string in which two friends of mine are arguing whether a dog peed on my friend's leg last night or simply next to my friend's leg.

10:49 p.m. Now I'm reading about the best way to get ketchup out of a bottle.

10:50 p.m. Hug a Jew in February. It will change your life.

10:54 p.m. Even though I'm Jewish, do you feel offended by my "hug a Jew" references? Let me apologize...with a hug in February.

10:55 p.m. Irina's in. Her dad is no doubt sad since this won't land her a man anytime soon.

10:55 p.m. Chris is out. Thank God.

10:56 p.m. Carol is in. Can she stay clean long enough?

10:57 p.m. Althea is in. Both hotness poll girls are in the final 3!!! That mean's Gordana's gone.

Final thoughts:

Honestly, I could care less who went to the final 3. It's all the same nonsense to me. I'm happy to see both Althea and Irina advance, and thrilled that Chris is finally out so that I don't have to see him cry anymore. But honestly, I have little to say except the following inspirational words:

Althea: Lose the big hair.

Irina: Get a man.

Carol: Get sober.

Chris: Grow a set.

And Gordana, two important words for you:

Wrinkle cream.

Until next time.

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