Sunday, November 15, 2009

Episode 13: I Join Twitter, Carol Gets Clean And Then Relapses, And The Althea-Irina Feud Continues: A Project Run(A)Way Hater's Perspective

Yesterday, I became one of the millions who have joined Twitter.

Want to know what brand of paper towels I prefer?

Now you'll know.


Full of my many and varied useless facts about my day-to-day life.


And now, on with the show:

10:01 p.m. By the way, a friend told me a few days ago that this is a two-part season finale. That's some bull**** right there.

10:02 p.m. The designers are getting $9,000 to make their collections. Is it safe to give Carol that much money?

10:02 p.m. Was Heidi grinding on Tim? Whoa...

10:02 p.m. Althea speaks about the tension with Irina. I have the solution:

Mud wrestling.

10:03 p.m. Wow, Carol actually looks fairly normal!! See what rehab can do?

10:04 p.m. If Tim appeared at my apartment in that suit, I'd feel a little uncomfortable. He'd be the nicest thing in my house, I'll tell you that right now.

10:04 p.m. I'm wearing white-colored socks. Find out more on Twitter.

10:05 p.m. Carol is going to have Tim cook some biscuits!! Diggin' the apron, Tim!!

10:05 p.m. A buck says Tim's biscuits will be color-coordinated.

10:07 p.m. Carol's dad gives the "I'm a proud dad" speech to Tim that never, ever works.

10:08 p.m. OK, Althea can gain 45 pounds and still wouldn't overtake Althea on the hotness poll this week. And all because of that damn dog Princess. I love dogs, but not those dogs. Shoot it.

10:08 p.m. And I'm tired of hearing about Irina and her foreign past. Your family are foreigners and struggled. We get it.

10:10 p.m. Now Tim is gonna meet Irina's parents. Now we're going to hear the whole "we're counting on our parents to make a life for themselves in America" speech.

10:10 p.m. Irina's sister is hot.

10:12 p.m. Irina's mom: "As a mother, I'm a winner too. Because I have daughter like her."

Please shut up.

10:12 p.m. Please tell me Tim did not just say "To the American dream." Can we perpetuate the stereotype any further?

10:12 p.m. I went to the gym today. Read more on Twitter.

10:18 p.m. Althea has been inspired by sci-fi movies.

Ob boy.

10:19 p.m. How did Althea get that tan in Ohio?

It's bloggers like me who ask the important questions.

10:19 p.m. Awwwwww!!! Althea has the hometown boyfriend!!!

He'll be replaced as soon as she moves to New York.

Sorry, pal. Better to hear it from me.

10:22 p.m. Irina finds out from Tim that the birds she wants to use on her clothes are copyrighted and can't be used.

And her world begins to crumble.

I'm holding up OK, if you're curious.

10:24 p.m. Althea and Irina give the "Oh my God, let's pretend we're friends and ignore that we absolutely can't stand each other" kind of hug that only females do.

I'm telling you: Mud wrestling.

10:25 p.m. Here's the difference between men and women: If I was forced to be in a hotel suite with a guy I absolutely couldn't stand and wasn't allowed to toss him out the window, we'd stay in our separate rooms and never, ever speak. We would not be talking on a couch.

10:30 p.m. "I gotta pee." My latest Twitter update.

10:30 p.m. Carol is sick.


10:31 p.m. Althea and Irina tell each other how sorry they are that Carol is sick, but both of them are happy. Men would admit that to each other.

10:32 p.m. Althea is happy that the workroom is blue.

Gotta love Ohio chicks.

10:33 p.m. Carol makes her triumphant return. Check for track marks on her end.

10:34 p.m. Tim is wearing a turtleneck. Time to talk about my turtleneck theory:

Turtlenecks can only be worn by one of two types of men:

Pretty boys.



I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking.

10:35 p.m. Ouch!! Tim described one of Althea's pieces as "borderline Hillary Clinton." Damn, even I felt that one.

10:35 p.m. Irina makes the subtle "Hey Althea, you copied me" reference. Men would just say flat-out, "YOU COPIED ME YOU ******* ASS*****!!!! and then rumble on the ground.

Men are more civilized.

10:39 p.m. I looked up Tim Gunn on Twitter:

"I'm so excited for the next episode of Our Show Project Runway tomorrow. Even though I know what will happen."

Tim, that was just boring.

10:44 p.m. The designers interview the models and the models all look the same: Like sticks.

Women with meat on their bones everywhere are smiling.


10:45 p.m. Michael Kors and Nina Garcia drop in. It's like your boss coming over for dinner. It's supposed to be light and friendly, but it's so not.

10:46 p.m. I wonder if Althea is finding those blue walls calming.

10:47 p.m. Can I just tell you how mad I am that I have to watch this crap for one more week? Jesus.

10:47 p.m. Just got a text message from my friend, cousin-in-law and podcast partner Mike:

"Just joined Twitter. Mfeldman."

You can't make this stuff up.

10:49 p.m. Heidi drops by and is wearing Maudi Gras beads.

10:53 p.m. Tim and Heidi have one final surprise:

Heidi: "You have one more look to create."

I was really pinning my hopes on "mud wrestling tournament." This is why the show's ratings are down.

10:54 p.m. Logan, Chris and Gordana are here to help. Great, got to deal with these yahoos for another episode.

10:54 p.m. Althea picks Logan, Irina picks Gordana and Carol is stuck with Chris.

Can you feel the worry of Althea's boyfriend back in Ohio? I do. Poor guy.

10:55 p.m. Gordana: "We all need that postivinpoot."

Ever here of Rosetta Stone?

10:56 p.m. The designers go to the New York Mood. Difference? None.

10:57 p.m. I now have four followers on Twitter!!

10:59 p.m. Carol's sick again.


Final thoughts:

One more episode and this crap is over. :-)

A couple of things:

1) My season finale recap won't be posted until Nov. 22. I will be in Vegas Nov. 20 and 21.

2) This will be the last season of the Project Runway blog. I really appreciate all the support this season, but the show is waning in the ratings and I want to focus on my other projects.

So next week, this is it.

Try to stay strong.

Until next time.

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